poem

That Guy – Part One

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I’m “That Guy”

I am That guy you may have labeled a plan “B” guy.

I am That Guy you remained friends with on the chance you were to find yourself 30 and single.

I am That Guy you wanted your daughter to marry. I am That Guy you wanted your sister to go out with.

I am That Guy who never lied to a woman to get what I wanted, no not once. And very seldom have I chased a girl I didn’t really want. Never have I dated a woman simply to notch my belt.

I am That Guy who refused to claim conquests I had not made.

I am That Guy who understood the game, but refused to play.

But I’m also that guy, who between studying engineering, computer science, working and being the primary in-home caregiver for a terminally ill mother, was too underprepared and too overwhelmed to mature much socially during college.

I am still that guy that was raised to “speak” when I see someone I know, even when the world has passed me by.

I’m also that guy who realizes that years from now, should I be blessed to reach old age, I may look back and for a moment wonder, what might have been? What if I had been a little more selfish? What if I had crossed the yellow line of life just because? I know that these moments will come, because they’re already here.

I can only hope that when I look into the eyes of my loved ones and those I have loved who have preceeded me into glory, that I remember that these are not the right questions. For the question is really, what would have been, had God not been with me in those moments of decision? For if one should assume that I am “that guy”, it is not by my own merit, for I am just like any other guy. I am simply a guy whom God smiled upon within those critical moments. I am humbled, grateful and blessed to be that guy.

 

ADJ

Please visit www.towrestlewithdarkness.com to purchase the book To Wrestle with Darkness, and to see other works, including a dynamic piece dealing with spirituality and rapid church development.

Those who Get it

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Have you ever noticed how some people just seem to get it? Be it on the job or in their personal lives, they just seem to have it all figured out.

Being an observer of people, I have found that people tend to fall into one of four categories in their professional and personal lives (of course, there are people whose success and personal behavior defy description).

As professionals you have:
1) Those who get it,
2) Those that don’t
3) Those that don’t want to hear it
4) Those who won’t.

1) the 1’s get it. They understand what it takes to be successfully and are willing to do it. They understand the sacrifice and appreciate those around them who understand too.

2) The 2’s, those that don’t get it, bounce from job to job and are either asked to leave or leave on their own because they aren’t being promoted fast enough. They have bought the hype, and always assume that they’ll be a top 5% earner in their chosen profession. They don’t really understand sacrifice or the level of effort it really takes to successful.

3) The 3’s, those who don’t want to hear it, understand in their heart what it takes to be successful, but are in denial about it. They understand cost to be a 1, but many of them are often seduced by short cuts and get rich quick schemes. The collective energy they’ve put into pursuing these pots of gold, could build the dreams they pursue if they just had the focus. They burn through most of their 20’s in this state, but they eventually figure it out, and at such an age do develop an appreciation for the 1’s who have already. This group contains many who might be called “Twixters”. In today’s dating generation, this is the largest of the 3 groups. They may be just as smart as 1’s, they just don’t “get it”, until they’ve run in circles for a while.

4) The 4’s, won’t play by the rules. If they don’t have an illegal hustle, it’s because they really don’t think the risk is worth the reward. 4’s aren’t stupid, they count the cost, and realize, in their own minds, that they just really don’t want to work that hard. They have sense enough not to chase their own tail, but watch yours around them, for if they can come up quick and get away with, they will.

In relationships you also have:
A) Those who get it,
B) Those that don’t
C) Those that don’t want to hear it
D) Those who won’t.

A) Those that get it: These are the people who, since the age of 16 have never had an issue getting or holding on to a mate. And if they should somehow find themselves single again, there’s a line of folks ready to get with them. It has little to do with looks or money, although neither hurts. But these folks know how to take care of a mate and how to show love. There is a light inside of them, that other folks who get it, see as well. Those who “get it” in their personal lives tend to pare off. But folks who get tend to recognize quickly when things are not going to work out. Those who get it make great same sex friends, in that they are the last of the four types to ever try to poach your mate, for they understand, and honor love above sex and money. Professionally, these people are often 1’s. Even if they aren’t high earners or near the top of their field they understand what it takes and sincerely appreciate it in other. A’s have a gift for being real, but they are equally as gifted in seeing the qualities that they want in others. They know emotional talent when they see it.

B) Those that don’t get it: In relationships B’s are befuddled as to why all their relationships end poorly. They may be 1’s professionally, but run off every potential mate, by lack of attentiveness, or if a 2 or 3 professionally, they may lean towards making themselves too available. B’s, and particularly women, want the fairly tale relationship they dreamed about growing up. B’s, who are largely women, are generally more honest than C’s or D’s, but they can become desperate, and that might not be a good look around your man. B’s and C’s both project, but B’s tend to really over inflate a relationship, but on the other hand they are some of the sweetest people in the world, they just don’t get this thing we call reality.

C) Those that don’t want to hear it: They say they’re looking for a 50/50 love, but what they really mean,is that any relationship needs to start at least 50/50 and lean their way from there. They refuse to accept that they might have to give more than they get. They are in denial about how real relationships work, and if they are giving more than 50%, they are ashame of it. The A’s understand, that as long as you get what you need, what does it matter? The B’s don’t really understand the concept of working on a realtionship. There are just as many men in this group as there are women. And professionally, these folks tend to be 2’s and 3’s. But like in their professional lives, they are often either looking an available upgrade or weighing thepossibility of taking a short cut to what they want. They know where the line is, and don’t typically cross it, but if you are having issues with your S/O, they might begin to rationalize investigating futher. So, you want to watch your mate around them, in those cases. C’s aren’t likely as B’s to go Fatal Attraction on you, reality does typically win the day with them. But unlike A’s, C’s often have to figure it out the hard way. As they mature, C’s can grow into A’s, but they must always be on guard not to back slide to their old trifling ways. B’s and C’s both often suffer from poor mate selection. Women of both groups tend to project onto a man how they would like him to be, rather than who he is, C’s just happen to eventually figure out what the deal is.

D) Those who won’t: These are the people who don’t play by the rules and it bugs the heck out of A’s, B’s and C’s. Each has his or her own rules. They ain’t gotta take your man, and often times don’t want to. They just want what they want. And men of this ilk, often actually prefer married women, so they don’t have to commit. Both D men and women, will say whatever their potential lover needs to hear. They really believe all’s fair in love and war. The ironic thing is that D’s are just as adept at spotting talent as A’s. They are very efficient with their time, and don’t waste it with those who can’t or won’t provide their needs. D’s are almost always 1’s or 4’s professionally. But if they happen to be a 4, when and if they decide to settle down they often find someone to take care of them financially. Social norms just seem to be a big waste of time to them. Although, all D’s are certainly not sociopaths, certainly all sociopaths are D’s.

Some parings within an individual are more likely than others, such as some being a 1A or 1D, with 1B’s being less likely.

So, who are you? Or better yet, who is the one you’re with?

Disclaimer: Again, I say that not every person falls in one of these catagories, but just as in other parts of life, you can only prepare so much for random events, or people for that matter.

 

ADJ

Please visit www.towrestlewithdarkness.com to purchase the book To Wrestle with Darkness, and to see other works, including a dynamic piece dealing with spirituality and rapid church development.

The Secret Sorrow of Saints

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It’s not the going without.

It’s not the standing firm through any season.

It’s not risking prison and torture for a belief.

It’s not offering one’s own life as a living sacrifice.

It’s not even the suffering they bear on behalf of those they’ll never know.

It’s the sorrow they feel for those of us

who will never know the love, joy and contentment

of being completely one with the Lord.

To give one’s self over totally to the Author of our existence

is an unspeakable joy, which causes every saint to weep

because they cannot convey it in words or deeds.

They can only point the way,

for it is both universal and singular,

and can only be experienced within our own tears.

ADJ

Please visit: Amazon to purchase the book Sacrifices on sale now for $2.99, and to see other works by the author, Alan Jones.

Or visit my site, AlanDJones.com, just to hang out.

My Love

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A golden throne

Upon pillars of stone

Leave my love safe, but alone.

A palace keep

Buried deep

Leave my love hidden, and asleep.

If I reveal my love, I may fall.

Yet is a love not at risk, a love at all?

Love is order out of chaos,

Love is gain from loss.

ADJ

Please visit www.towrestlewithdarkness.com to purchase the book To Wrestle with Darkness, and to see other works, including a dynamic piece dealing with spirituality and rapid church development.

Angry People

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In the food court of a foreign airport the angry people in line behind me cussed and denigrated each other to the point that everyone around them was embarrassed to be standing there. I’m not sure what the argument was about, but it has something to do with one not willing to carry the other’s drinks. I don’t know if they meant literally carrying drinks back to the gate or if they were talking about carrying bottles of rum back into the states. The long line allowed the two ladies time to disinvite each other from Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas morning and next summer’s vacation trip.

I thought about the weight of carrying all that anger and bitterness. The idea of doing so, and being these angry people, was daunting to me.

I try not to label people, but it has occurred to me that some folks are imprisoned in who you have experienced them to be. Case in point, on a recent grocery trip, I ran into a guy with whom I’d had some business dealing in the past. We didn’t speak. In fact, he was on the phone the whole time of the encounter fussing and cussing (in the checkout line and then again in the parking lot; our cars were next to each other). Unfortunately, that moment so captured who I remembered him to be. He was angry and argumentative years ago, and so he is today as well.

Getting into my car, I heard him say “I thought this was settled. I don’t have time to be dealing with bleep, bleep broke azz people!”. Looking at him, my own anger from our dealings long since passed, my feeling was more of empathy. How heavy must it be to be “that guy”? (by the way, just because someone doesn’t want to pay you 20 grand in cash up front, doesn’t mean they’re broke. It might just mean they’re smart.)

But back to the argument going on behind me in the foreign food court. I noticed and odd dynamic to their conversation, but I couldn’t quite put a name to it. By this point one is stating that she’s going to have her seat on the flight changed so that she doesn’t have to sit next to the other one. But besides making everyone uncomfortable, I’m still hearing something else between their words. I wanted to turn around like some of the others had done, but I refuse to give in. I refuse to add to their shame, even though curiosity burns inside of me. Then in the middle of my battle with temptation, an older man wheels over an older lady right in front of me. She’s in a wheelchair and her driver’s intent was to place her in line with her granddaughter, who happened to be standing right next to me. The granddaughter had been standing in the very long food service line simply to hold a spot for her grandmother.

Ironically, and contrary to what you often hear, healthy, loving relationships are about unconditional sacrifices by both parties, where each puts the other before themselves. Even if that means holding one’s tongue, be you right or wrong. It can mean loving someone enough to fill in the gaps when one of the parties has not yet realized how much they are loved, or perhaps lacks an understanding of the true nature of love. Or it can mean, as it did in this case, standing in a long line for a loved one, just because.

As for me, I simply don’t have the time or energy to carry hate around. To be an angry person is to live a life of enslavement to those with whom you are angry.

Anyway, after paying for and picking up my order, I turned around for my first glimpse of the feuding women. Looking at their faces, the oddity in their conversation I felt before was explained. The commonality between their faces testified that the women were related.

Angry people are often so consumed with the thought that someone has beaten them out of a loaf of bread that they miss the fact that there is an endless field before them to harvest. Anger has no future, but forgiveness is eternal. So, let it go and live the life you’ve been given, for someday soon it will be over. The only question is, what will your harvest be, peace or bitterness?

ADJ

Please visit www.towrestlewithdarkness.com to purchase the book To Wrestle with Darkness, and to see other works, including a dynamic piece dealing with spirituality and rapid church development.