Everything Considered – The Dating Game – Part 2

Do you know people who are never happy? They complain about everything, even to the point that if they won the lottery, they’d cry about paying the taxes. So, what does this have to do with dating? Well, some people behave this way in their relationships too. Nothing is ever good enough, and they are always looking for the exit.  I call it Relational A.D.D.

The truth of the matter is that some folks are just in love with being in love.  And even more unfortunate, is that this phrase means something totally different for men and women.

For women, it’s that sense of endless possibilities or having finally come to the end of a long journey. However, after having reached the mountain top, these women can’t help but notice the other peaks around them, and deeply believe that somehow the view must be better atop them. And why is this? It is my earnest belief that their behavior is a result of their belief that someone else is responsible for their happiness, besides themselves. And from where does this thought process originate? Gosh, in western culture perhaps a better question is where is this message not conveyed?  From Cinderella to The Notebook, from cradle to grave, western women have been sold on finding a man to make them happy. When in truth, you can only be happy with any particular man only to the degree with which you are happy with yourself.   Happiness, for broken people is always fleeting. Work on you first.

But for these men, it’s a case of being in love with new loving.  This is a battle every man faces, but it is one that he must win, if he wants to maintain his situation and not have his resources, literally spread out all over town. For the sake of this conversation, let’s exclude faithful men and free agents (“hook ups only, please.”) and focus on guys who go from dating relationship to another, serial monogamist, if you will (although, technically, often they move on to the next relationship, without informing the current partner first). These men are afflicted with an internal conflict between the norms of society and their own desires. Whereas faithful men and free agents know who they are, Relational A.D.D. men are caught up in a cycle of behavior they cannot explain and can only, at best rationalize. They will cast dispersions upon their current lady, in order to justify why they feel the need to move on, when in truth it is physiological response to a stimuli they’ve “chosen” not to deny.  And ironically, the perceived shortage of eligible men and the resulting raised competition between women only increases Relational A.D.D. in men. Sadly, the only cure for these men seems to be negative reinforcement. Meaning, that until they have real regret, they’ll not change, and Ms. New Loving always makes it easier to forget…at least for a little while.

Also, be sure to check out The Dating Game Part 1

Please visit: www.towrestlewithdarkness.com

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